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What’s the difference between Obama and an Arab? |
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By Khaled Diab John McCain has furnished compelling proof that Barack Obama is not an
Arab: the Democrat is a family man. |
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November
2008 Just to
set the record straight: Barack Obama is not an Arab. If you don’t believe
me, I have it on good authority – John McCain said so. When a woman in the
audience told the Republican candidate that she feared Obama because he was
the scariest of all creatures, an “Arab”, the gallant McCain – who knows a
thing or two about dodgy foreigners, having spent several years in captivity
with them – assured her that the Democrat was nothing of the sort. And how
does he know? Because Obama is “a
decent family man”. Being an
Arab myself and having lived among them for much of my life, I can confirm
that McCain is not just the candidate with the most experience in foreign
policy, he has also proven himself, with this penetrating insight, to be the
one with the most knowledge of foreign societies. Personally,
I blame the whole sad situation on the pressures of modern life and the rat
race. Family bonds are bound to break down when men are faced with the tough
demands of building a career with a major multinational like al-Qaida. How many
fathers can spend quality time with their wives and children – especially
when they have four of one and two dozen of the other – when they have to
spend sleepless nights formulating devious and bloody plans to destroy the
free world, brainstorm creative viral marketing and recruitment campaigns,
and get the execution just right so as to make a killing on global financial
markets? Then,
there are all the long business trips to distant places, like Tora Bora, and
the gruelling but incomplete training modules, such as learning to fly but
not to land, that keep many an executive up in the air indefinitely. Besides,
Arab men are too ambitious for their families’ good: they chase promotion day
and night in the cut-throat business of martyrdom in the hope of gaining
access to the executive club in the sky, with its 72 sexy personal assistants
and rivers of gushing vintage wine. In the process, most fall by the wayside,
burnt out, their nerves shot to shreds, while their families are left to pick
up the pieces. As every
good conservative knows, children are led astray when there is no father
figure around the house. What kind of example is an Arab role model like
Osama Bin Laden setting when he walks out on his family, joins a gang and
goes so AWOL that not only social services but also the CIA and Of
course, some limp-wristed liberal is bound to claim that she or he personally
knows Arab men who are loving husbands and doting fathers. Well, that’s just
a show put on for your benefit. Do you know what goes on behind closed doors,
I ask you? Arab
Americans may take
offence to McCain’s generalisation and are bound to protest that the
family is the cornerstone upon which Arab society is built, and that Arab men
generally take family matters very seriously. But what would they know?
Self-deception and keeping up false appearances are universal Arab traits. Yes,
indeed, it must have been those delusional voices in my head that have
persuaded my that my wife consider me a dedicated husband, my mum reckons I’m
a loving son, and my siblings generally think that I’m a good big brother. Come to
think of it, the legions of caring Arab fathers, generous uncles, indulgent
grandfathers, and strangers who make little kids laugh in child-friendly
public places that I have encountered over the years must have been figments
of my imagination. Of course, too many Arab fathers are a tad traditional and
old-fashioned – although there are plenty of modern ones, too – but does that
mean they are not decent family men? Republicans, after all, have a tendency
of equating tradition with decency, and modernity with decadence. Then
again, it might be a grand conspiracy to convince the world that we Arabs are
ordinary humans, too, while we quietly take over the world. Liberals, you
have been warned, let your guard down against those wily Orientals at your
own peril. This
column appeared in The Guardian Unlimited’s Comment is Free section on
16 October 2008. Read the related
discussion. ă2008 – Khaled Diab. Unless otherwise stated, all the content on this
website is the copyright of Khaled Diab. |
