Diabolic Digest

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Khaled Diab

Losing Face

Delhi departures

 

Up in arms at the prospect of spending Friday night in the suffocating and oppressive embrace of his thoughts. Sven downed the last of his beer and decide to endure all the knowing glances and sub-breath whispers at the Dappere Leeuw, his local.

 

On slightly unsteady feet, he entered the garage and mounted his sturdy, but reliable grandfather’s bicycle which he’d inherited from his mother’s father. Next to it stood his swanky racing bike which he rode at the weekend – and like the dedicated hobbyist that he was – in full racing insignia.

 

His passion for cycling burned so intensely that he was usually able to rise above his physical self-consciousness and wear a cyclist’s skin-tight gear without thinking about what kind of a figure he cut. Slicing through the wind at speed blew away his hang ups and made him feel light and in harmony with his surroundings.

 

He got a bit of that sense of lightness now, even though he was riding along on the heavier-set and slower frame. The wind had a refreshing bite to it tonight and Sven pedalled into it with his face held up to slap some life into his numbed senses.

 

With tribulation, he pushed open the Leeuw’s heavy door. The conversation died down a little as people turned discreetly to view the local TV celebrity, who wasn’t all that celebrated. In appearing on everyone’s screen, it was as if he’d made his life common property – and the village was split on whether he’d been right.

 

Some people were on record with their opinion that what he did was “very brave. Don’t understand why that Tanja went and left him.” Others wondered why he’d gone to all that trouble. “He doesn’t look any better now than he did before that domme programme.”

 

“‘It’s only a matter of time, you mark my words’ – that was what I said when they got together. That Tanja was always out of his league.”

 

“Never thought he was the type. Always looked so serious, you know.”

 

“Yeah, too intellectual, I always said. Not as smart as he acts, obviously.”

 

“Why anyone would want to air their dirty laundry in front of millions of people, I don’t know.”

 

“Do you think millions watch that rubbish.”

 

He’d overheard snippets of speculation, conjecture and expert opinion since his return. But that didn’t hurt as much as his parents’ derision. “Have I been cursed with nothing but deviants for offspring,” his father bemoaned.

 

“Son, pride and envy are the deadliest of the cardinal sins. You should be grateful for what you have… had,” his mother chastised. “Humility and humiliation are not the same thing,” she railed.

 

Walking into the warm and glowing interior, he saw that the village news agency, Jan de Wit, hadn’t turned towards him. He was too busy on his mobile phone relaying the latest breaking gossip to his wide network of geriatric subscribers to look up.

 

He was obviously on assignment, discreetly, at least to his own eyes, following the latest exploits of Gina – Divina ex Vagina, one of the geriatric wits liked to call her – who had won acclaim and notoriety as the village’s most prolifically promiscuous young woman: an accolade which both intrigued and outraged the old timers.

 

Since she discovered sex at 18, she’d been, over the last three years, gradually working her way through all the eligible men in Voeren and beyond – on both sides of the language border. Gina was truly multicultural in her taste in men and liked to experiment with the exotic. She had been sighted not only with Flemings and Walloons, but also all manner of Africans and Asians. “At this rate, she’s going to have to ship them in,” Jan joked as Sven walked past. “I am sure some asylum seekers have already found refuge in her bed.”

 

Shaking his head in disgust at the old man’s crudeness and bigotry, Sven spotted Tom, his old school chum, and one of the dwindling number of people who took him at face value. “Hey, Tom, all alone?” Sven asked.

 

Closing his book, Tom looked up, smiling: “Can’t you see that I’m on a date with a hot new book.” Tom had always been something of a reader. Sven and his friends were fond of saying that, whereas a stork had delivered them to their parents, Tom’s mum must have got him off an encyclopaedia salesman. Of course, none of his friends were particularly surprised when he decided to open up a bookshop in town.

 

“It’s good to see you out and about, Sven Shui.” Tom had been the one to coin this nickname when Sven started showing an interest at school in the divine proportion. Luckily for Sven, this had more or less replaced his former nom de guerre Heilige Kind, Holy Child, son of Voeren’s Bible queen. His mother had gained a certain infamy when she joined the campaign to keep religious education on the syllabus at Sven’s Catholic school.

 

“How can you have a Catholic school without Catholic schooling?” she asked a parents’ meeting rhetorically, while Sven wriggled uncomfortably in the audience.

 

Among children who thought Genesis was a pop band and parents who normally associated monasteries with beer and could barely tell their Joseph from their Judas, striking religious education from the curriculum only seemed like bowing to the obvious. But the passionate few defeated the apathetic many, and religion stayed on the curriculum. Many an ired schoolboy decided not to let Sven forget it. Taking him out of his comfort zone in the background din, they rechristened him and the sons and daughters of the Catholic brigade as Holy Children.

 

So, Sven was eternally grateful to Tom for giving him a new name – which to some boys sounded like some sort of cartoon kung fu character – that caught on and helped him blend back into the masses.

 

“Can I get you a drink, a pintje or something?” Tom inquired.

 

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

As Tom went off to the bar, Sven’s ear began to wander. “So, you’re staying at the converted farm just up the road?” Gina asked her date.

 

“That’s right,” his voice nodded.

 

“I don’t get why someone from Antwerp would come and holiday in Voeren,” she exclaimed. “I’m out of here as soon as I finish technical college. Find myself an IT job in Brussels or something.”

 

“Well, I hear that the language frontier is beautiful at this time of year,” her cocky companion joked.

 

Tom returned with a couple of glasses of beer. “I see Gina’s got a brand new friend,” he remarked. The old friends exchanged a few pleasantries and chatted a little about work.

 

“How are you holding up?” Tom asked.

 

“I try to put a brave face on it,” Sven quipped.

 

Smiling, Tom tells him: “You know you don’t need to put on a masquerade with me. Has the gossip mill stopped grinding your reputation yet?”

 

“It’s slowing down.”

 

“And Tanja?”

 

“No news. I haven’t heard a whisper from her in weeks.”

 

“Any idea what you’re going to do?”

 

“Well, I’m going to try to make contact and I have an idea that will help us start afresh.”

 

Tom nods helpfully, prompting Sven to continue. “Well, new face, new place, I was thinking. With all the crap that’s been raining down, I thought that Tanja and I should move away from Voeren.”

 

“Where to?”

 

“We’ll I’ve been offered a job in India.”

 

Tom, who has travelled all over the world, particularly in his books, looks pleasantly surprised. “That’s great news! Is it with those guys in Delhi you collaborate with?”

 

Sven spent the rest of the evening telling Tom about the job and his fear of putting a great, big continent between him and Tanja, if she refused to join him. Despite his better judgement, he knocked back the beers and wound up rediscovering incredible things about balance and gravity, as his bike defied his attempts to keep it on a straight trajectory. Hoping to re-hydrate himself, he poured more water down his throat than he normally gave the plants, then he took his re-engineered features up to bed.

 

According to Newton’s Third Law of Bladder Movement, what flows in must flow out. And, as the sun rose, so Sven felt gravity pull keenly on his storage tank. Before convection could work its magic, he leapt out of bed, dashed to the toilet, where he released an equal and opposite amount of urine to the beer and water that he had swallowed since his previous visit.

 

As he sat sipping coffee hoping to regain equilibrium in his head, Peggy stamped into the dinning room demanding her breakfast. The where-were-you-last-night darts of accusation from her eyes stung Sven. “I was hoping we could spend a quiet evening in, just the two of us,” her grunt seemed to say as she headed back out towards the garden.

 

Sven went out to Peggy’s shed and upturned a sack of ripening apples and pears that were not supermarket quality which he’d bought cheap from a local orchard. With the abandon normally reserved for mud baths, Peggy dug into her breakfast. Sven, on the other hand, could hardly swallow anything.

 

He was nibbling on a croissant and making good progress with his third cup of coffee, when he heard the key turn in the front door. “Tanja,” he mumbled excitedly, putting down the newspaper.

 

She was looking radiant, Sven thought. But something had changed about her. “I’ve just come to take some more of my stuff,” she said.

 

“Tanja!” he said a little too urgently.

 

“Please, Sven, it’s best not to discuss it anymore.”

 

At that moment, Peggy came dashing into the living room to greet her absent friend. Tanja knelt down to pat the pig. “We owe that little piggy a lot,” Sven said. “If I hadn’t kissed her, she wouldn’t have turned into my beautiful princess.”

 

“Sven, don’t!” Tanja said, as she straightened up again.

 

“Now, the magic seems to have worn off and she’s just a pig again.” Tanja’s face started to lose its composure and she rushed off. “No, I’m the beast. You were always the beauty – inside and out,” he told her back as it left the room.

 

She came downstairs with a couple of suitcases full of her clothes. “I’ll come back soon with a van to take the rest of my things. You can keep this place. I’ve found myself somewhere else to live.”

 

“With Charlie?”

 

“Of course not. We’re not together anymore.”

 

“Well, I won’t be needing this house either. In a month, I’ll be moving to India to start a new job. So, you can move back in. You could always come with me. I’d love it if you would. We could start all over again, somewhere where no one knows us. Give me the chance to make up for my folly.”

 

“Congratulations. I’m very happy for you. But I’m still not ready to live with you again – in India or here.”

 

Sven began looking at her curiously. She’d put on quite a bit of weight in the past few weeks. “Tanja, you look different, a little bigger. Are you pregnant?”

 

“Comfort eating,” she fibbed.

 

“Your metabolism would walk out on you. You are pregnant, aren’t you?” he quizzed.

 

“I have to go.” She picked up her suitcases.

 

“I want you and our baby – even if he’s not ours – to come with me to Delhi.”

 

“I’ll think about it,” she said and walked out of the house.

 

 

 

 

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