In
the last year and a half, Khaled Diab has discovered that commuting is
something of a professional activity and if there are no management training
programmes on how to become an effective commuter and influence people, there
ought to be!
A crucial consideration is the logistics
of precisely where to place yourself on the platform. The veterans and pros
know that they need to shuffle along to the far end of the platform so as to
multiply their chances of earning a seat. The practiced eye will also be able
to size up the various swarms and clusters and keep a safe distance away from
them.
It is also important to try to
second guess where the driver will stop in order to be as near as possible to
the doors when the train halts and to ensure that you are not inadvertently standing
outside the first class carriage. Sparring for prime position in a non-contact
sport in Belgium. Attempting overtly to push past somebody or jump the queue
will be met with disgruntled moans.
It is important to keep in
reasonable shape and wear practical shoes, since these can mean the difference
between getting on your train and seeing the doors close and the train pull
away mockingly.
Now it is spring and the weather is
pleasant and bright, making the commute quite pleasant. But sometimes in darkest
winter days, standing on the misty, freezing and dark platform, one wonders how
wise it was to move to another town – albeit a nearby one with a fast train
connection – and commute to work.
Once onboard the train, securing a seat is not for the
faint of heart. In an unspoken, silent turf war, a certain species of more
belligerent commuter will have placed their coat and bag on the seat next to
them or will sit on the outside seat (and even pretend to be napping) in order
to discourage anyone from sitting next to them.
Belgian politeness and reserve will
keep some commuters from making a fuss. In my view, it is important to stand up
and be counted – every decent commuter must fight for his or her right to sit down!
Recommended tactics range from polite gesturing with the head towards the empty
seat to biting sarcasm, depending on your mood. Reserve some biting remarks for
particularly annoying specimens. Suggestions include: “Excuse sir/madam, has
your bag got a ticket, too?" or "Is your coat sitting comfortably?
Can I get it a coffee?”
Trains
of thought
Belgian etiquette demands that you
create your own private space and avoid trespassing on that of others – which
can be a tricky feat to pull off on an overcrowded train. Headphones,
newspapers and books are essential accessories to avoid eye and ear contact.
Reading is also advisable if you
don't wish to feel you're wasting your life away or to avoid going off the
rails at the loud snorer a few rows down.Pursuing abstract or philosophical trains of thought is also an
enjoyable commuting pastime but be careful you don't miss your station!
On a Belgian commuter train,
silence is golden. This is partly so that you don’t disturb the intercity
sleepers snoozing away in the carriage and partly because Belgians do not
generally like loud banter. Objective observation has led me to the conclusion
that four Egyptians on a train typically make as much ruckus as a carriage full
of Belgians.
There are naturally the many
exceptions, such as the groups of office friends who use the train as an
opportunity to bond, or the non-commuters on their way to a day trip in
Brussels or by the sea.
With time a certain unspoken
intimacy forms (and on rare occasions actual words and even conversations are
exchanged) between fellow passengers who ride the same train regularly.
However, a number remain stubborn and refuse to meet your eyes or acknowledge
they know you, such as ‘Baldy’, who always stands on the platform stiff as a
regimental leader. But we know he knows us – he even kept the door open once
for me – and I am determined to exchange a smile with him, one day.
An
amusing exercise is to imagine what lives certain people have before and after
the commute. This process is aided somewhat by coming across them at
restaurants or cultural events. Budding love affairs, such as the one between
the man who stares blankly into space and is never quite there with his
curly-haired girlfriend, are always interesting fodder.
ã2007
K. Diab. Unless otherwise stated, all the content on this website is the
copyright of Khaled Diab.
